Welcome! I’m thrilled you have taken the time to explore Beyond The Veil. My dream of building a destination spa for hurting women all started with a “personal awakening” in 2006, after years of dealing with my own pain from the past.
My young life began with coming from a broken home followed by several years of verbal and at times sexual abuse while growing up. The often tragic stories we hear of families dividing is how mine began. It was the beginning of a web of deceptions created that formed a false identity about myself. Uncertain of this new blended family life at a young age, I made the best of adapting to it. As time went by, my abuser began with the often used tactics of “coercion and manipulation” as a means to control me.
The foundation was being laid for further control. At the age of 12, my abuser did the unthinkable and molested me in my own home while my mother lay in the hospital recovering from a serious back surgery. Filled with shame, I was unable to speak of what happened and for several years I held in all of the hurt and pain. As time went by, more incidents began to happen, but from other abusers. Most of the incidents were inappropriate touching that left a feeling of violation and more shame.
As I grew into my teenage years, I felt more and more worthless and ashamed, which let to promiscuity as I sought for affection and love. I had all of the signs of a classic case of a young girl who was violated. When I was old enough to work, one day I responded to an ad in a local newspaper which appealed to me because of what it read about working in a “spa.”
I hopped in my car, made the trip and walked in to apply for the job. Upon walking into the place, it didn’t quite look like a spa. I noticed the furniture and surroundings looked rather uninviting….Old tattered couches in the lobby, a rather large sized man sitting at the reception desk with a gun in the safety box…everything inside just looked dingy. I was taken back and shown the dressing rooms and then the “spa” rooms. I was given instructions and told what my job consisted of. Suddenly, fear consumed me. I would have to undress in front of clients and provide “services” to them. The two women and man at the reception desk continued coercing and manipulating me into the job. They went as far as calling in one of their male “clients” to ease me into the job. Now, I was really scared.
Gripped with fear and intimidation, I was trying to figure out my exit plan as I knew this was not the job for me. After getting out of that situation, I never looked back. Later in life, it became clear why I have been called to help women out of spa’s, brothels and other sexually exploited situations.
After six year had passed by and the verbal abuse in my home grew worse, my mother filed for divorce from my abuser. Once the separation took place, I finally felt free to tell my mother what my abuser had done to me. This is the start of healing for me. Although I was finally able to verbalize what happened, there was still an undoing of false mindsets about myself. Still plagued with lies about my identity, my life began to spin out of control as I continued to cover up the hurt and pain with other things such as alcohol, drugs and further promiscuity.
When I was 18, I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified and I felt as though I had no one to turn to. Still gripped with so much shame, I terminated the pregnancy because of fear of what my father would think about me being 18 and pregnant, and ultimately rejecting me. With a distorted perception of what my father would think of me, I spent the next several years with even more shame than before. My life was spinning downward and out of control. I felt as though God would never love me again and had turned His back on me.I honestly believed I would spend eternity in hell. This is the type of religion I was brought up under…no fault of my parents, just years of religion teaching hell, fire and brimstone.
Although this was not the best decision at all for myself, at the time it felt like my only option. I want young women and women to know, you do have other options. You can have women come along side of you to support you and love you through the process of choosing life for you and your baby.
As more years went by and the deception about myself grew worse, I thought maybe settling down into a marriage would make things better. After entering into this marriage I began to experience further abuse both verbally and physically. It seemed it was starting all over again. After learning my husband at the time was having affairs, I ended the marriage in divorce after only a year and a half together.
This again started the pattern of self abuse because of all of the pain I held inside. Still looking for love, I sought it in all of the wrong places, not knowing love Himself was there all along. My pain had grown so deep that it became a breeding ground for self destruction. Alcohol, drugs and further promiscuity was in full effect in my life and at this point, I had become numb to all of the pain. Not caring about anything anymore except for my baby, I was trying to make ends meet now as a single mother. Believing the only way to make some quick, easy money by selling my body, I began exotic dancing. Although this was short lived, it added to all of the other self destruction and web of lies. I had also worked a full-time 9-5 job where I was being sexually coerced and manipulated by my boss. In the beginning the “glitter dome” was being used as an entry to lure me and eventually control and manipulate me. It was yet another situation of abuse.
I honestly reached a point in my life where nothing was satisfying anymore and I felt it was time for a change. In 1995, I packed up my baby and I, and moved from Tampa, Florida back to Houston,Texas where I was born and grew up. Once arriving and settling in, I had a specific request for God about sending me a future husband. A few months later, my request was granted. He is my knight in shining armor and has truly made me feel like a queen throughout the years.
After marrying in 2001, I began to see how much pain I had brought into my marriage. In 2006, began the healing process when I experienced an overwhelming and tangible presence of God’s love for several weeks. It was a divine encounter I will never forget. Love is what began to change and transform me. I soon started to learn my identity is in God and He is the one who has shaped and formed me in His image…not all of the lies and deceptions I believed about myself in the past.
Today, I am thriving, happy and living a life full of purpose and meaning now. My deepest desire is to help women who have endured similar situations, to be free from these negative patterns so you can live a life full of purpose and meaning too. I hope you will join me.